Sunday, October 16, 2011

Zippity Hoohah

In one of my college courses I distinctly remember learning that one can never successfully advertise one's product with a negative.  The product-- or at the very least, the purchase of the product-- should make you faster, taller, better looking, smarter, richer or more popular... it should never cause you to be the object of ridicule.  Before I continue, let me just say  that yes, people who get Radio-Television degrees really do take classes and occasionally we even pay attention, so shuddit.  I'm pretty sure I scored a solid C in this class. 

So either the conventional thinking on this has changed, or some of the people making creative decisions these days missed that class.  I totally understand.  I missed a lot of classes, just not this one.   Exhibit A:  The Chevy Volt commercial.

People hate me because of my car.  You should buy one and be hated too. I wish there were more buttons I could button on this shirt so I could look even more like a tight ass.

For starters, I think it's a mistake to associate your product with a pressing need to go to the bathroom...even if your product is designed to make people go to the bathroom, which I presume is not one of the features of the Chevy Volt.  I can't be sure, though, because this dude clearly needs to go to the bathroom.  Secondly, everyone at the gas station hates this guy because of the car he bought.  How does this make one feel good about his choice of car?  Does the smugness he feels over having an electric/hybrid car make up for the overall scorn?

And speaking of products related to going to the bathroom...have you seen the "Enjoy the Go" commercials for Charmin?  I mean, I know these were brought to us by the folks who showed us a teddy bear with dingleberries in recent years...but seriously?  Do we need to spend this much time talking about pooping?  Do we consider this progress?

Enjoy the... oh God, it's just too gross.  I'll buy your product if you'll just stop talking about poop.

But perhaps the most disturbing commercials as of late have been the "Hail to the V" series for Summer's Eve.  Unfamiliar?  Could be because they were so racist and offensive that they were pulled from the air... Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's difficult to write a compelling TV ad when your product is something used on the Hoohah.  But knowing the difficulty that I have in getting things approved through my legal department (who once refused to let me use the word "secure" when describing a security product), I'm completely amazed this got the green-light. 

The premise here is a talking hand (a la Senor Wences) as an ethnic vagina imploring her owner to take better care of her.  Before you watch this, please understand one thing very clearly:  This was not a joke.  This was an actual television ad intended to increase Summer Eve's market share in the world of Hoohah products.

There is much to wonder about this Down Under. 

There was also a Hispanic version involving multiple childbirths and a leopard thong...if you don't believe me, just google it.  It's too pathetic to post here and I just think a talking vagina that needs subtitles is something I'm not cool enough to write about.  I'll leave that to Eve Ensler.  Or perhaps J.Lo.  I'm thinking her Hoohah has a tale to tell.  Hoohah from the block, if you will.

As often happens while writing a blog, I've been sitting here for a while trying to figure out how to write myself out.  The Boy suggested I write a dialogue between the nether-regions of my body but I will take the high road here.  I refuse to anthropomorphize my body parts for your reading enjoyment.

So how about we end this with a positive negative?  While the purchase of this product still resulted in a negative experience for this guy, I think it works because he comes out looking like a hero. He literally gets better looking as the commercial goes on because his wife is such a harpy. 

John Clark can have you, you ungrateful Hoohah!

At least he doesn't look as though he needs to go to the bathroom.  So thank you, AT&T. 

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